The Inheritance Project (managed by Barbara Blouin) uses WordPress to add new content to this site. Unfortunately, until I find a way to get rid of it, WordPress does not allow me to delete “… by Barbara Blouin.” However, this was written by “Keith Lewinsky” — a pseudonym.

A man of short stature, my father drove a Porsche in the 1970s, a big, showy Jaguar in the ‘80s, then a black, souped-up Saab in the ‘90s. My mother was obsessed with brand names and luxury products. When I, the youngest of three, was about to leave for school, rendering them empty-nesters, they bought an extravagant house on six acres for a huge sum. I can only explain this as an effort to show off their wealth to their friends.

Money brought out my father’s best qualities and his worst: he wanted to provide for others, but also smothered us by keeping us comfortable, and used his gifts to others as a lever. He turned to money—and also to drink—to compensate for feelings of unworthiness. My mother, meanwhile, was a compulsive eater. Over about twenty-five years, the money increased, their marriage deteriorated, and they retreated into their addictions. Money helped keep up the false appearance of a happy family.

By the time I graduated from college, I hardly knew the first thing about money, but felt it was important to break free of financial dependence on my father. When I started refusing his checks, he got very angry and made a big scene at a holiday get-together. I thought that was revealing.

I moved around and worked in many temporary positions, resisting a full-time, salaried job until I was twenty-seven. A year and a half later, I enrolled in graduate school and took out student loans. I began reconciling my checking account each month. Since then, I have added other accounting practices and increased my knowledge of business and investing through books and courses.

After my parents passed away, I reflected on where the wealth came from. My grandfather had been a feed boy in the early 1900s and built a business out of this role. My father eventually took over the reins. Sometime around mid-century, they purchased real estate that proved to be a good investment. The myth in the family was that my father was the source of all wealth, and therefore a kind of deity. In fact, like most businesspeople, my father won some and lost some. He put in work and built good relationships, but also benefited from a rising economic tide in the second half of the twentieth century. For me, the mystique has fallen away. I now see money as a fairly practical affair. I had to do my own investigation to clean out the emotional muck surrounding money in my family.

Through demystifying wealth and educating myself, I have been able to accept the inherited wealth as my own. It does not make me any better or worse; it is simply a store of value, and it is now my job to manage and deploy it responsibly (a role of stewardship). Previously, I would not have seen myself as entitled to wealth or even a normal level of comfort. The prospect of inheriting wealth spurred me to examine and clarify my values. I feel that my values and integrity are more important than my wealth, and they are the compass for my decisions about it. Wealth can provide an opportunity to explore one’s values and perhaps act on them. In that sense, it is a privilege.

There is one area of unfinished business. About ten years ago, my father formed a Limited Liability Company (LLC) in order to pass some real estate holdings to his descendants (two siblings and me). To qualify for a tax benefit, the LLC must be under the sole control of one member. My father assigned this role to my sister, while my brother and I are completely passive members. While this saves some money in taxes, I believe this is a toxic arrangement for us as people. I also believe it is a bad idea from a business perspective, because my sister is not accountable to a board of directors. If she does not follow the rules of the company and is not open to persuasion, the only recourse is to sue her. Such lawsuits could deplete the family’s resources, fulfilling the maxim of  “shirtsleeves to shirtsleeves in three generations.” In fact, there have been problems with the operation of the business, and my sister has not been open to working with me (or even talking with me) to resolve these issues. I have hired an attorney to advise me, but there is no lawsuit at this time.

Before my father died, I received a dense, complex legal document in the mail with a request to return a signature page. My father said it would be “good for the family.” When I pressed him for more details, he did not seem to understand it himself. I urge all wealth owners and their advisors to adopt the principle of informed consent. If you are setting up an LLC or other complex, long-term vehicle, give all parties an opportunity to understand what they are getting into. I also urge estate attorneys to consider not merely the tax benefit of such vehicles, but the implications for the family dynamics (see David Gage on holistic estate planning and Jay Hughes’ Family Wealth: Keeping it in the family).

Heirs also have responsibilities. Educate yourself about finance, business, and investments. If you do not understand something, ask for an explanation. If you need more information, ask for it or seek it out. Take the time you need to consider decisions for yourself. It can be helpful to hire your own attorney (not to sue people, necessarily, but to be informed). Read legal agreements and financial statements. Be polite but persistent.

Armed with knowledge and the habit of independent thinking, you can be an active participant in wealth transfer and management, rather than a passive recipient. You can be a responsible steward of your wealth rather than feeling controlled by it. In thus taking responsibility and embracing opportunity, you are living your life more fully. That is a gift that you, and only you, can give to others.

When I was 30, while attending college, I was assessed to have a learning disability, and came to understand the reasons for my difficulties in both primary and secondary-education. After college I worked and I often faced discrimination and lost jobs because of my learning disability. Social Work was my calling and in 1996 I graduated with a second degree in Social work.
In 1997 I founded ALDER, a non –profit organization which provided employment services for youth and adults with learning disabilities. For 10 years I gave over half my income to support ALDER and other causes. I was proud to see that ALDER grew into a respected organization that was supported by government funding, creating an important place for a community whose voices were not being heard.

While I had given away half of my inheritance, I still felt a deep sense of emptiness. This woke me up. For the past six years I have worked with therapists and consultants who understand class privilege, supporting me to understand its intersections with trauma, oppression and mindfulness. My journey has been one of opening to a greater understanding and embodiment of giving and receiving that reflect my spiritual and political values. Part of my personal work continues to be to discern when giving comes from a place of internalized messages of trauma and a sense of not being enough. This continues to be a path and process in my life to which I am committed so that I live from a greater balance and harmony of healing myself and healing the world. Participating in co-creating justice and freedom for all beings is essential for me. Part of my work is to see that philanthropy is about interconnectedness and how I walk my life.

– This mini-autobiography is found on the web site Bolder Giving

From “Coming into Money: Preparing Your Children for an Inheritance”

“In a sentencing memo to the judge, prosecutors said Mr. Myers, a descendant of Bell, the inventor of the first practical telephone, was a child of wealth and privilege, attended a private boarding school in Pennsylvania and Brown University and obtained a doctorate from Johns Hopkins University. ‘Kendall Myers could have been anything he wanted to be,’ they wrote. ‘He chose to be a Cuban spy.’”

These words, and the story behind them, put in glaring focus attitudes widely held by the majority of North Americans. Read the full article
www.theglobeandmail.com/news/world/americas/us-state-department-analyst-wife-jailed-for-spying-for-cuba/article1643320/?cmpid=rss1

From The Legacy of Inherited Wealth: Interviews with Heirs

Please look for Part 2 of Homer’s story in a few days.

My two partners—Katherine Gibson and Margaret Federico—wanted to find out about each other, and we began by listening to each other tell our stories—for hours.

We also wanted to find others we could talk to whose situations were like our own. We started our exploration not knowing what we would find. Looking back, I think that was a good place to start: our minds and our hearts were open. Over the next eight years we interviewed hundreds of inheritors. The stories we heard were almost always compelling, and we knew that we needed to share these stories with others.

We described our work as “interviews,” but when I think about it now, I prefer to call what happened “conversations.” Yes, we did ask questions, both specific and open-ended, but “interviews” is too formal a description for what happened; we met the other person in a deeper way—heart to heart.

And we listened. Dave Isay, the founder of storycorps.org, says, “Listening is an act of love.” Through doing this work we ourselves were transformed. Speaking for myself, hearing the candid stories of other inheritors broke my strong sense of isolation and dismantled the shame and guilt I had felt so strongly. “Journey” has become an overused word, but my work (and I can say the same for Katherine and Meg) has been an amazing journey.

In the blog entries to come, I will share parts of stories from our three books (one book, Like a Second Mother: Nannies and Housekeepers in the Lives of Wealthy Children, is out of print), as well as stories from the booklets we (and wealth counselor Dennis Pearne) have written on various subjects that go to the heart of the world of inherited wealth. I also want to include some letters and e-mails that have come to us from inheritors who have read our works.  Please visit this site often (maybe every two weeks, if you are really keen) and see what is new. And start posting!